Alice (Underground) Avril Lavigne - Lyrics

Here is a song to musically represent the journey I have been on this year.

Just like the lyrics say:

"When the world is crashing down, When I fall and hit the ground, I will turn myself around, Don't you try to stop me!"

The news that we were to have IVF was devastating at first, but I did not let that stop me. My dream is to be a mother and with a lot of faith and trust in my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I have gotten through and in a few short months my dreams will be coming true.

Thank you all for supporting me in love and prayer,

I love you all!

God Bless!

May the year 2012 be full of blessings for all of us!

Jen

My Christmas Rant (I apologize in advance if this offends anyone)

Well I'm sitting here, it's after midnight and I just can't seem to fall asleep. It's technically Christmas eve (just super early in the morning).
I haven't really been in the Christmas spirit too much this year. I think that is because there is a lot about the way Christmas is celebrated that really bothers me. Take "Santa Claus" for example. Now, don't get me wrong, the idea of a jolly old man who unselfishly gives gifts to the children of the world...it's a nice concept. I had "Santa Claus" when I was young..I turned out alright. I guess what I don't appreciate is that it is a lie that children are told and it is a lie they feed into so they get more things...more presents. Kids don't ask for dollies and dinky cars nowadays, trust me, I've read the letters. They ask for things like quads, snowmobiles, cellphones, iPods, laptops, gaming systems, $$$ etc.$$$ etc.  I'm 25 soon to be 26 years old...some of these things I don't even own and cannot afford to own...yet kids write letters to Santa expecting to receive these things...and what is more sad, there are kids that actually receive these things as gifts (from "Santa"). Kind of raises the bar pretty high for the parents that cannot afford to buy these things for their children. Sort of makes the kid that gets a doll and not a laptop think Santa must hate her or something otherwise why did Sally get a laptop and all I got was a stinkin' doll? Also, what happened to the naughty and nice list??? I know there are kids out there who are naughty 85-95% of the time and they still get those quads, dirtbikes, snowmobiles, laptops, cellphones...you name it. Hmm...must be awesome to be that kid. I can do whatever I want without consequence...and basically get rewarded for acting like that all year long?! Nice. No, seriously, that is really messed up! I know you're supposed to be nice at Christmas but not disciplining your child all year and then giving them everything they want...yeah that doesn't sound like a recipe for success if you ask me.
Sorry, that was my rant on Santa Claus and how the whole Santa Claus thing is played out in homes around the world. I just cannot stand it. Yes, I play along with it every year. I'm a teacher, I have to. But, the whole buy buy buy, spend spend spend, shop shop shop, has made Christmas into this terrible holiday that makes me cringe and want to hide under a rock. The awkward "oh you bought us a gift, but we have chosen not to buy presents for anyone this year" conversation never ends in warm fuzzy feelings inside. It's terrible and the pressure and stress that comes along with it is enough to make a person sick.
Do you want to know what Christmas is truly supposed to be all about? CHRIST!
Yes, you heard me. Jesus Christ. Well over 2000 years ago God gave the ultimate gift to the people of Earth. He sent His son to be born of Mary and to be called Jesus, Emmanuel (God With Us). He was brought into the world only to die for the sins of man, that all who believe in Him shall have eternal life. God could not have given us a greater gift. That gift beats an iPod or a laptop or a quad any day of the week and Christmas should be a celebration of the fact that God gave us this wonderful gift of Jesus Christ. Santa Claus has nothing to do with it. It is not called Santa-mas...it's called Christ-mas! I have nothing against those of you who choose to celebrate Christmas with Santa Claus. It is your choice and I hope you enjoy your holidays and find joy in the moments you share with your family and loved ones. I hope the kids wake up and experience the same joy I did on Christmas morning thinking Santa had been there and left us all these wonderful presents. It is magical. Just do me a favour. Please do not forget that Christmas is the time to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. So, while you're thanking Santa for the presents he placed under your tree, send up a prayer of thanks. A thank you that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Sorry, this blog post has not had much to do with fertility, and it seems like I'm bashing Santa (which I'm not. Santa is a great story about unselfishly giving to others, and I'm a huge supporter of unselfish giving, really I am!!)

Moving onto the fertility side of things...in a little less than 4 months we will be heading to Victoria to begin the process of starting a family. You already know that but this Christmas, we have chosen to cut back on the gifts and material things. We are saving up our pennies diligently to make our dream of having a child come true. The Lord has been so good to us and He has not ceased in providing for us every step of the way. Our dream seems to be more and more within our reach every day. I am so grateful to have a loving God who not only gave His only Son as a gift to save me from my sins but who provides for me in every aspect of my life. Everything I have is because of Him and Him alone. I am so excited to begin this new chapter of my life. I have been working to lose some weight and get healthier. It has been baby steps, but I am doing it one step at a time. This new year we are about to embark on is about health and happiness. It is about prioritizing, that is, spending more time on things of importance and less time on the things that do not matter. I am turning over a new leaf. I have realized that part of that turning over a new leaf has included leaving the material/commerical/santa claus focused Christmas of my past IN the past and working towards a Christmas that is focused on Christ and his birth and all that means for us. That does not mean my kids won't know about Santa Claus. It does mean they will know he is not real. I will give my children gifts at Christmas..but they will be gifts from their father and I, not from some supernatural being who flies with reindeer and comes down a non-existent chimney. All I want for Christmas this year is to spend time with my husband, family and friends in celebration that Christ was born to save us all. That is a beautiful story and I encourage you to sit down with your children and read it to them! You'll be glad you did.
So I apologize for the fact that this is nearly exclusively a rant about Christmas, but it's my blog...and I'll write what I want to.....lol!
Merry Christmas!! May you truly feel the blessings of God upon you and feel truly grateful for all that has been given you!
Love to you all!

Jen

A bit more information...

So my doctor emailed me back after I asked him a few more questions. I sent another email in reply and am waiting on other answers...but in the mean time here is what I found out!

I am at risk of OHSS not just because of my polycystic ovaries but because I am so young. The younger you are the higher the chance and worse the OHSS can be.

A fresh transfer at the time of retrieval can still be successful but the odds go down by 20% =(  The doctor says he would only do a fresh transfer if we have enough good quality embryos (and if I was comfortable with it). He does say that there are still lots of successful pregnancies achieved with the use of GnRH agonists instead of HcG. I have emailed him in response that it bothers me to not give my baby the best chance at survival...but that ultimately I'd like to think on it and hear his professional insight.

If we did not do a fresh transfer it would be 6weeks before my body would be calmed down enough to start the 2 weeks of estrogen treatment I would need to get ready for a frozen transfer. Then I would only have to go to Victoria for a few days to go through a frozen transfer! This takes us to about mid June. I should be pregnant before summer vacation !!! =)

I have a prescription of metformin to fill and we both have some lab work to get done.


And again, I just feel this whole journey has been in God's hands and I feel so at ease, especially with my doctor. He must have been hand picked by the man upstairs himself! He really does make me feel so cared for. So I am singing the praises of my heavenly father as always! He has made this journey so much easier!

I tell ya...it feels amazing to have things in motion!! My new year is looking more and more like the new year I had envisioned! I cannot wait =D


God bless you all!

I will keep you posted!

For now, continue to lift us up in prayer. It is greatly appreciated!

Love you all!!

Jen